Spire
by Burningbridges
Summary: Seifer's thoughts on his 'new lease on life'. What he thinks of those around him, where he is now, relationships... wink,wink
1. About Squall

_Seifer is one of my favorite characters in FFVIII, and I wanted to write a story that focuses on the changes happening in his life. Since my mom pulled me out of high school to get my GED, I've been somewhat obsessed with what could have been – I'm getting over it now, since I've been drowning myself in video games…_

_That's what this will be; Seifer analyzing his… err… "new lease on life"._

_Stick with me – it'll be interesting. _

Spire

By Burning Bridges

Part One: About Squall…

"… Lose your dreams,

You'll lose your mind

In life unkind."

- Rolling Stones, "Ruby Tuesday"

Seifer had always secretly admired Squall.

He was so aloof, the Ice Prince… and yet, people loved him. They looked to him for leadership, and didn't ask for anything more.

Now why couldn't he be like that?

He was a somewhat more outgoing personality. His will alone had kept him alive all this time, through the discouraging catastrophe that had been his short-lived career as a Sorceress's Knight. He had a strong voice that was bound to be heard by everyone, everywhere; when he spoke there were few who could turn away and just ignore him.

His passion could hew armies… And yet, he wasn't well liked.

No one wanted to be near him – they just rejected him, like a bad piece of meat.

It was a little painful to be pushed away like that, but Seifer knew that existing in a world that completely ignored him would be worse. He liked being noticed, feeling like all and sundry had enough consideration to have heard him speak – and enough brainpower to remember him.

But he felt so… left out.

Squall had done nothing. He had just strolled along casually, and had everything just handed to him. He had the lives of thousands of people in his hands, and he hadn't even asked for it. He had their love, their admiration, and he nearly shied away.

Seifer wouldn't have done that.

Seifer had to work for everything he'd possessed, had to defame himself constantly to even be noticed. Bullying students… Nearly killing President Deling… Assisting all-powerful women to almost crush civilization… Becoming someone the only two people in the world he could count on didn't want in their company…

Squall was loved. He had more than a thousand people who adored him, and numerous friends to stick by his side… He had the world. And he didn't even ask for it.

"Squall…" Seifer whispered to himself in the dark, looking out over the ocean from the muted golden beach, "I'll show you someday. You've beat me at nearly everything now, but I… respect… you. And sooner or later, I'll show you how."

_So, what did you think? Let me know!_

_It'll be comprised of short chapters, and eventually go into Seifer's… relationships. If you catch my drift. … "Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday. Who could pin a name on you when you change with every new day? Still I'm gonna miss you." _


	2. Gods

This one's longer than the last. I had this though quite a while back about Quezacotl in Aztec culture, and it led to an idea that spawned this chapter. It's basically comparison again, but on a different level. Next I'll be moving on to more of his psychology behind everything that's happened, and that. This time, he's comparing himself to GF; I left out a few, since I couldn't think up much in the way of history behind what they're based on.

Hooray, I got to see the end of Kingdom Hospital!

Part Two: Gods

Seifer flipped ahead a few pages, looking at the pictures in the book with slight revelation. It had been given to him by a new acquaintance from athwart the sea, whom sat across the café table from him, sipping coffee in the shade of the building. Every page had captured a moment in time – an impression – of a Guardian Force in various mediums.

Every photo, painting, sketch had immortalized a being; captured it forevermore as a thought put on a piece of paper to be remembered.

Seifer looked thoughtfully at the blue-sky overhead and thought to himself briefly.

_Will I be remembered?_

He looked at the young woman and she smiled as if she'd been reading his thoughts. She pointed down at the page he'd stopped on – an oil painting of Quezacotl soaring through the clouds framed in lightning. There was no sign of outward emotion, but Seifer knew the creature in the painting was happy.

"Where I'm from, a lot of the GF were seen as Gods in ancient cultures. Quezacoatl, for instance. Supposedly, he was once a human ruler of an empire, and when his people sacrificed him, he became a God in the form of a snakebird. And, like a constellation too, or something, but don't quote me on that." She laughed.

"He was human?" he asked, having never been much for ancient mythology, but the thought of a GF having ever spawned from a human struck him as being quite an odd idea.

"Yeah, I think the story went that he was a good ruler, but the people turned against him because he'd something wrong… In the end, he knew he had messed up, and I suppose he felt it was the right thing to let himself die to make it up to them."

Seifer didn't fancy himself as ever having been a good anything, except for a pain in the ass. In a way, he had been a good friend to Fujin and Raijin… up until he became a Sorceress' Knight. He had let them down at that point, causing them to leave his side because he'd changed for the worse. In the end, they came back; but first he had to admit defeat. In some way, it seemed almost like he had sacrificed his pride for the sake of himself, and his friends…

"Really?" he said, leaning forward onto the table. "Anyone else?"

"Well, Odin. In mythology, Odin was the leader of all the Gods, and I read somewhere that he was constantly afraid of an overthrow happening, because he knew that one day someone would destroy him, and take his place as a God. I don't know if anyone ever did, though."

"I did," he said with a smirk, despite how painful the memory was now. "I sliced him in half during a battle with an old… friend. Then Gilgamesh showed up. Anything on him?"

"Gilgamesh? I remember one of my old Instructors teaching about him – it was in an epic, the, uh, 'Epic of Gilgamesh'. I still have those notes somewhere… He was a human that went on a quest for Immortality. But not just for himself, for the Elders of his village, too. And… Um… This God, Ea, had it out for him or something. He lost his best friend, some dude named Utnapishtm built an ark for when the world flooded, and then he finally found the Immortality flower – just to have it snatched away by one of Ea's snakes. So he gave up, because he knew that the Gods weren't gonna let him fulfill his quest."

Seifer had gone on a quest of his own, to carry out his Romantic Dream, which he wanted his two best friends involved in with him, but he had lost them only a little while into his career, and when Squall defeated all of the Sorceresses he had no way of continuing on the path. Squall obviously was doing just about everything in his power (although, in a more indirect sense) to keep him from doing it. In a way, Squall was almost a God himself. He sure as hell had a large enough fan-base…

He flipped another page and she nearly spit her mouthful of coffee out in excitement.

"Ooh! Shiva! That's a good one!"

Shiva was Squall's GF, a being that seemed like she'd been hidden in an iceberg like Serendipity.

In the sketch, she was floating casually, a faint smile on her lips.

"Shiva is actually always portrayed as a man in my corner of the world. And as a man, she's the God of Creation and Destruction, and has an extra set of arms. When her masculine self dances, he is called the Nataraja, which I think means 'Lord of Dance'. When he dances, worlds are formed and shattered… That was in a movie once – some creepy guy made a statue of him dance."

Seifer himself had both created and destroyed. People, places, things – you name it. But he also had the Sorceresses giving him targets; making him waltz.

Casting that aside, he sniggered to himself about the fact that Squall's main GF could actually be a guy.

"Um… Let's see… Siren! Sirens were usually portrayed a mermaids, or woman-like creatures that would sing to lure sailors close to the rocks, to crash their ships."

That sounded a lot like the Sorceresses to Seifer. They had promised him everything, and by letting himself be used, he ended up stranded and alone in the middle of ruin.

"Hm… The last one I know anything significant about is Minotaur. I remember a story about how some dude was thrown into a labyrinth and the only way out was to defeat the monster, Minotaur, but no one believed he could do it, but he proved them wrong."

The blond boy stared at the passing clouds in the sky. He had been trapped in his own metaphorical labyrinth, a labyrinth built of his nearly unachievable dream, and his pride. Very few had ever seen the self that was hidden inside of that maze; they had only ever beheld the outer Seifer, the "power-hungry" Seifer. Even his friends, had never seen full extent of what lay inside his soul, the beauty that was hidden underneath the rough exterior.

Although he admitted to himself that he sometimes wanted to rip the outer walls down, and let the inner recesses shine through for the world to glimpse, he knew it would never be that easy. Even if he could, the world would never believe what was right in front of them all along.

Maybe, if one time in his life he could show that hidden design to someone, he would feel better. And maybe, just maybe, that person would secretly hold it dear to their heart, knowing that this wannabe tyrant was truly just a misunderstood human deep down.

_End of chapter two, already? Well, hope you enjoyed, leave a review and let me know! _

_Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat some cookies. _

_Oh, and if anything in the myths is out of order, let me know – a lot of them I studied years ago, and don't remember too well now. I should re-read them – I'm reading Beowulf again at the moment, and looking for the German work with 'The Slaying of Siegfried' in it. It was like… The Nibligund or something…_


	3. Childhood

In this chapter, we get to hear about Seifer's childhood and analyze! Man… I feel like one of the three child psychologists in the Puff the Magic Dragon movie… I used to love that when I was a kid – ya know, "Peter Paper", and that pirate that wanted to be a baker… Hey, that rhymed!

I've been rhyming a lot lately… And having dyslexic slips all over the place.

Oh, and thanks for the reviews, peeps! I hope this story lives up to your expectations.

Part Three: Childhood

"When I lose control

I can only breathe your name."

Seifer was an unhappy child. To be perfectly honest, he had never felt very happy at all.

He couldn't remember anything about his parents, except for the fact that they had never been there for him. Because of some sick twist in fate, he had spent his life alone… The only thing left of his bloodline being his name, Almasy. But even that was foreign to him, unrecalled and lost somewhere in a life of uncertainty.

He had a mother, and a father. They had probably been something like him; passionate, charismatic, strongly motivated… But he didn't know them, nor would he ever. The only thing he knew of them was that name, and himself. And he still didn't know exactly who he was. He had spent all these years trying to figure that out, and all he knew so far was that he was a dilemma to those around him.

He had a matron, too, who was always there to look after him, be there when he needed a mother. She taught him right from wrong in her gentle ways, provided for him, loved him, and wanted him to succeed. He had loved her back, too, and until he grew older, had wanted to do right by her. She had done so much for him, and when he was older, he had repaid the favor.

She had given him all the things he needed to grow up right… But she couldn't fill the void that his parents had made.

He knew his parents hadn't left him on purpose, but somewhere deep inside he thought it could have been different. He felt discarded, unasked for…

This emotion was ugly to him, and as hard as he tried to repress it, it would always slip through the bars sooner or later. And it eventually grew into a sort of abhorrence towards anyone that was content with what they had, or what they didn't have. It just wasn't fair; why should everyone else be happy when he was so miserable?

He didn't know why, but taunting others made him feel better, for a little while at least. He would pick on the other children at the orphanage, and it made him smile because he wasn't the only one feeling lousy anymore. Squall was his favorite object of ridicule out of all the children. The little brunette was almost always in tears, and seeing someone in more pain than he was just made him feel like he didn't have it so bad anymore. They had been at odds most of their childhood, Squall not liking Seifer because he was always picking on him, and Seifer disliking Squall for various reasons… But mostly because he still had family; his sister, Ellone.

As they grew older, that emotion of bête-noir grew stronger, separated them at great distances when they were still so close to each other. They were so much alike, and yet they remained secluded.

Squall didn't hate Seifer, but he wasn't that crazy about him either. He had gone through life knowing the blond only as an adversary, someone he would probably never come to fancy in any sense other than a person that he felt was a little better than him, and a more noticeable persona. He thought Seifer was crazy when he had deserted all the things he'd been given to pursue a dream that was as far from noble as anything. But despite all that, he still held him in regards, because he wasn't afraid to try for something he wanted, even if everyone hated him for it.

Seifer saw Squall in the same manner. He had always known Squall as someone who was marginally better than him. The brunette was about as righteous as Seifer was noticeable, and where he had failed to achieve any form of appreciation (except from his only two friends, Fujin and Raijin), Squall had built an empire of trust and admiration. And that's why he respected Squall, was because he had risen above his destitution and won the love of those around him, without really even trying. Seifer's raw disregard for the feelings of others had destroyed him; his sensation of inadequacy had ruined any chance of him being honored. He would have to live with that knowledge for the rest of his life.

Looking back, part of him wished that he could erase it all from history. And he knew that, as he lay down to go to sleep, that he would once again dream that things had been different – that he had been kinder to his fellow orphans, and grown up a better person. A person more like Squall. And that no child anywhere would ever have to know the feeling of hopelessness that he had felt, again.

Kind of speaks to everyone, in a way…I know it does to me, 'cause I grew up with that feeling myself, but now I have the highest self-esteem possible, and I've been told that people who grew up with me can't believe how much I changed. But hey, it's for the better! No offense to all you Emos and Goths… I used to be one of you, for that matter…

_Anyway, if you liked it or not, review, and let me know! I'll bake some scones and we can discuss it over afternoon tea! _


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